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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sun Apr 15, 2018 7:34 pm 
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:rotfl:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2018 12:51 am 
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A man is looking for a prostitute, he comes across a woman who says she can give a guy a blow job whilst singing a song. The man says "I'll give £50 "She agrees. They go into a hotel room and she starts blowing him while singing away. The man says, "turn on the light and let me see how you're doing that." She replies "hold on, let me put my glass eye back in"

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2018 8:43 pm 
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Sister Mary was asking her class at the Catholic school what they wanted to be when they grew up.....
Little Kathleen stuck up her hand and said
" When I grow up Miss, I want to be a prostitute."

Sister Mary went wild and shouted " What did you say?"
"A prostitute ,Miss."
Sister Mary breathed a sigh of relief and said,
" Oh thank the Lord, I thought you said "a protestant"!"

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2018 8:45 pm 
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lOl lOl lOl


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2018 8:50 pm 
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Shamlessly stolen from another site but it's a good 'un:

A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking
Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and
eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?"
The Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."
The guy says,"$500 dollars! For a hand-job!
Holy crap! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Yes."
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"Yes."
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Yes."
"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those..
And I own them because I give a hand-job that's
worth $500."
So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once..
I'll give it a try.."
They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy
is sitting on the bed realizing that he has just experienced
the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.

He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job
is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, "$1,500."
"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"
The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy.Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright.And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.
He asks the hooker, "How much for some vagina?"
The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us: All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces & shows?"
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

"No," the hooker replies, "but I would... if I had a vagina.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:44 pm 
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Ohsteveo wrote:
Shamlessly stolen from another site

In a different universe no doubt :roll:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2018 8:33 pm 
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Finmows wrote:
Ohsteveo wrote:
Shamlessly stolen from another site

In a different universe no doubt :roll:


damn this interweb .... :sad1:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2018 7:05 am 
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Pissing contest.
The one with the biggest mouth wins!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2018 4:08 am 
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Verne Troyer touched me up #minimetoo

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:22 am 
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Finmows wrote:
Verne Troyer touched me up #minimetoo

:rotfl: :rotfl:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:24 am 
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Wish me luck as I take on the London marathon again this year. Last year I did 3 hours, 26 mins and 45 seconds but then I got bored and switched over and watched something else...........

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:39 am 
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I was a DJ last night at the annual disco for the National Dyslexic Association. Made the mistake of playing YMCA - It was fucking mayhem!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 12:48 pm 
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I saw my mate stood outside the Doctor's today. He looked really worried and upset so I asked him, "What's wrong?"

He replied, "I've got the big C."

I was shocked. "What, cancer?" I asked.

"No, dyslexia."

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 12:50 pm 
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My Dad was very strict and very dyslexic.....when I was growing up, if he heard me swear I had my mouth washed out with soup.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:11 am 
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An old man walked into a barber's shop for a shave and a haircut. He told the barber he couldn't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks were wrinkled from age. The barber got a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and told the old man to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he'd finished, the old man told the barber it was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball. The barber replied, "You'd just have to bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

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