My mom’s been in a care/ nursing home now for a year ( Dementia ) , some days are better than others ,but in general I get called by about 3 different names when I visit , ( brothers , uncles ) there are moments when we talk about old neighbours , there are moments she asks when can I go home , why am I here
, the repeating of the same questions every couple of minutes ( stuck in a loop )
then she might see something /someone and just wander off,
leaving you sat there ( my Q to leave )
a good friend has said, there comes a time when you have to stop going to see them ,so you can remember then as they were ,and not this broken confused shell of a person you see before you . That time is rapidly approaching for me.
Hi Barney, Sorry mate, I forget other people are in the same boat & just let loose when I'm in a quandary with decisions I have to make. I really do apologise to you and anyone else who may be going through similar.
His wife Irene asked me to look after him before she died & I promised I would look after Jack. I have thought it wouldn't make any difference if I go or not anymore as he doesn't know me now anyway, and have distanced myself to the point where I am more about making sure he gets the care he needs but this doesn't stop the ethical & emotional dilemmas I find myself in at times. I also get caught un-aware at times (like today) when I mentioned Mam Tor, our favourite drive & walk & he smiled & seemed to remember, although fleetingly. Breaks my heart to see him like this, but for that second he was there & I wouldn't want to miss that. We've cut down visits to twice weekly & take turns but my wife finds it more difficult as he tries to kiss her & gets sexual with her, so I tend to take more turns than her.
Jesus it's difficult. Thanks for your support Barney, my apologies again for stirring stuff up for anyone.
Whatever you decide will be for the best I'm sure. You take care of yourself.
All the best & thanks again. Paul.