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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2020 6:57 pm 
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Car dealerships have re-opened except for BMW.

A spokesman was asked when they would be opening.

He gave no indication.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2020 3:50 pm 
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conquistador wrote:
Car dealerships have re-opened except for BMW.

A spokesman was asked when they would be opening.

He gave no indication.


That's a foul slur on BMW drivers - everyone knows the new worst drivers are Audi drivers!


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2020 8:05 pm 
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Andysdad wrote:
conquistador wrote:
Car dealerships have re-opened except for BMW.

A spokesman was asked when they would be opening.

He gave no indication.


That's a foul slur on BMW drivers - everyone knows the new worst drivers are Audi drivers!

Mercedes...especially as every (rude word for ladies front garden) can get one on lease....every fuckin wannabe Gangsta or his child laden slut has to have one!

Pikeymobile :roll:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2020 7:37 pm 
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I was in Starbucks when I realised that I desperately needed to fart. It was packed but the music was really loud so I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a few songs I noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod !

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2020 7:38 pm 
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Actually, I've never been in one and never will

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2020 7:50 pm 
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gusm2 wrote:
conquistador wrote:
Car dealerships have re-opened except for BMW.

A spokesman was asked when they would be opening.


He gave no indication.


Awaiting deleting :oooops:

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Last year I joined a group for anti-social people
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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2020 7:53 pm 
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conquistador wrote:
I was in Starbucks when I realised that I desperately needed to fart. It was packed but the music was really loud so I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a few songs I noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod !

conquistador wrote:
Actually, I've never been in one and never will

FFS.... make ya mind up :roll:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2020 8:22 am 
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I should have changed it to a BMW dealership 😀

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2020 9:13 am 
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A weasel walks into a bar. The Barman says. “beer?”
The weasel shakes his head.
“Okay.. What I can get for you?”
“Pop... ” goes the weasel.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2020 4:23 pm 
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Just been trampled on by a herd of cows.
No serious injuries though, just grazing!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2020 7:56 pm 
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The clitoris has almost 8,000 nerve endings.....But it's still not as sensitive as the woman it's attached to!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2020 5:57 pm 
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My 4 year old son asked me "Where does poo come from?"

I was a bit uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation.

He was a little perplexed and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds before asking me a follow up question.

"What about Tigger?"

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2020 5:59 pm 
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My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee, it cleans the toilet.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2020 9:04 am 
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She said to me "Make me scream by just using your fingers"

so I poked her in the eyes

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes thread...
PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:19 pm 
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As I arrived at the prison showers I realised I'd forgotten my soap.

However, I was amazed at the number of bars of soap left abandoned on the shower room floor for no apparent reason.

"Well, I'll be buggered" I thought.

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