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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 4:40 pm 
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"There's Neil Harvey standing at leg slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle"
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"....Brian Johnston

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:22 am 
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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi wanted to find out who’s best at his job. So they decide that each of them will go into the woods, find a bear and attempt to convert it. Later that day, they get together. The priest begins: “I found a bear sitting by a tree. I blessed him and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first communion.” The minister says, “I found a bear by a stream and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look at the rabbi, who is all scratched and bruised and with his clothes torn to shreds. The rabbi looks at them and says, “Maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.”

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2019 8:34 pm 
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If the politically correct term for a "bastard" is "love child", does that make Love island a collective?

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 7:14 pm 
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Why do laxatives have a best before date?. If they go off, what's the worst that can happen?.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 8:00 pm 
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:rotfl: :worthy: :rotfl:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2019 8:56 pm 
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If deaf people get suicidal, how do they phone the Samaritans?

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2019 7:12 pm 
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I was watching my neighbours cat while she was on holiday as her elderly mum wasn't able to. After a couple of days she phoned.. "How's Tiddles getting on?" She asked. "Tiddles is dead" I replied. After a while she sobbed.."that's so cold hearted, could you not have broken it to me a bit gentler than that. You could have said..Tiddles got stuck up a tree, the Fire Brigade tried to get her down, she fell and died instantly" "I'm sorry" I said.."you're right" "..and how's my mum?" ..she continued. "Well" I replied.."first she got stuck up a tree..."

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2019 10:23 pm 
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Finmows wrote:
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi wanted to find out who’s best at his job. So they decide that each of them will go into the woods, find a bear and attempt to convert it. Later that day, they get together. The priest begins: “I found a bear sitting by a tree. I blessed him and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first communion.” The minister says, “I found a bear by a stream and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look at the rabbi, who is all scratched and bruised and with his clothes torn to shreds. The rabbi looks at them and says, “Maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.”



:hehe:


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 3:45 pm 
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I've just left one of the most expensive Italian restaurants in London without paying after a screaming match. Finest cuisine and dining, my arse.
Their pasta wasn't even crunchy like the wife's

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2019 9:12 pm 
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Milf Hunter
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lOl lOl

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2019 11:57 pm 
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Current ride: Xt500 , 1125 CR
Location: Tiddly village near the throbbing metropolis of Rugby
I bought a pair of tortoiseshell shoes yesterday.......it took me three hours to walk out of the shop.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Jul 12, 2019 7:34 am 
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I came out of Asda this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out. She'd lost all her holiday money. I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50. I don't usually do that kind of thing but I'd just found £2000 in the carpark.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sat Jul 13, 2019 6:18 pm 
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My wife said that she wanted some Jimmy Choos for her birthday. Well, I've looked fucking everywhere and can't find them so I bought the next best thing, Fruitellas....

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:54 pm 
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I bought some Jelly Babies in Aldi. I’m a bit disappointed they’re not called Aldi Young Dudes.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2019 10:15 am 
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What can I say? I arranged the church, vicar, transport, photographer, disco, marquee and even a band and foam party for an evening do... All the ungrateful bitch had to do was organise her mother's coffin.

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