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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Jan 27, 2020 7:02 pm 
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A group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive, the food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Jan 27, 2020 7:15 pm 
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My local pub/restaurant organised a special evening last weekend to celebrate the Chinese New Year and Burns Night. They called it Chinese Burns Night.

I wasn't too keen on going at first but my mate twisted my arm.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Jan 27, 2020 7:51 pm 
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deepsix wrote:
A group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive, the food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 12:39 pm 
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A group of Martians land on Earth and are having a chat with the Pope in the Vatican. “So, says the Pope, have you guys heard of Jesus? “Sure, said the Martians. He drops by two or three times a year.” “What? He hasn’t been here for two millennia, says the Pope. How is it he comes to you so much? The Martian says, “We think it’s the chocolate.” “Chocolate, says the Pope” “Yeh, we go around and collect the best chocolate from our confectioners and give it to him when he is leaving.” “Why, said the Martian?” “What did you guys do with him the last time he visited?”

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 5:31 pm 
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Finmows wrote:
deepsix wrote:
A group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive, the food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

:yt: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :worthy:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 6:15 pm 
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I was told that cucumbers are very good for your memory. I can vouch for that as 45 years ago my uncle stuck one up my arse.... and I can still remember it!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Wed Jan 29, 2020 10:33 am 
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How much does it cost to upset a Remoaner?

Ten bob apparently

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Jan 31, 2020 5:04 pm 
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The missus couldn't get in to see a doctor, So she went to the airport, mentioned Al-Qaeda, and got a free x-ray, breast exam and colonoscopy.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2020 8:45 am 
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What's brown and sticky?
Muhammed Ali opening a can of coke.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2020 11:44 pm 
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If she cuddles up to you and whispers "Tell me something that makes me a woman"
DO NOT REPLY with " Your tits are a sagging and you're shit at parking"!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Feb 07, 2020 4:41 pm 
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Phillip Schofield has just announced he has changed his surname to McCavity

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2020 12:17 pm 
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If you are looking for topical humour...DO NOT Google Phillip Schofield gags

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2020 7:39 pm 
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:rotfl:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Feb 13, 2020 5:11 pm 
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Looking for a bit of advice... What's the best number of Roses to give the wife for Valentine's Day? - 6? 12? 24? Or the whole tin?

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 5:11 pm 
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My wife asked me to put the car in the drive for her. Admittedly, it is a bit of a tight fit. After I'd done it, she asked me, "How did you do that?" I explained that there's a small mark on the wall and when that lines up with the left hand wing mirror I pull the steering wheel slightly to the right and it fits in fine. "No," she said. "How did you make it go backwards?"

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