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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2020 6:58 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 06, 2009 3:35 pm
Posts: 2012
Current ride: A black one
Location: Wales. The land of dragons, welshcakes and full reservoirs.
:rotfl:

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Dusty 001


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2020 7:03 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 06, 2009 1:43 pm
Posts: 6079
Current ride: The wife
Location: Cofa's tree
Corona virus has turned us all into dogs.
We roam around the house looking for food.
We're told "No!" If we get too close to strangers .
And the thought of a car ride sends us wild with excitement.

Hopefully I will be able to lick my own cock and bollocks by the time this is over.

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I hate being strapped for cash....but it pays the bills


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2020 9:00 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2011 7:10 pm
Posts: 3123
Current ride: Buell ulysses
Location: Telford
Finmows wrote:
Corona virus has turned us all into dogs.
We roam around the house looking for food.
We're told "No!" If we get too close to strangers .
And the thought of a car ride sends us wild with excitement.

Hopefully I will be able to lick my own cock and bollocks by the time this is over.

https://youtu.be/njWL8woekB8

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Buell Ulysses XB12X 06/08
CCM R30 (650cc) 02
Norton Dominators


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2020 8:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 07, 2009 12:06 am
Posts: 1860
Current ride: S1W,S2T,1125CR,XB12X
Location: North Bucks
You have too much time on your hands, Barney :roll:

Steve

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Back on the road again!


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:15 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 7:54 pm
Posts: 2819
Current ride: 1999 X1
Location: Texas, Gerrards Cross
I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If y’all don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."

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Bob Krzeszkiewicz
2011 Kawasaki Z1000SX - 1999 Buell X1


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:16 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 7:54 pm
Posts: 2819
Current ride: 1999 X1
Location: Texas, Gerrards Cross
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't go near the toilet paper aisle any more.

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Bob Krzeszkiewicz
2011 Kawasaki Z1000SX - 1999 Buell X1


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:18 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 7:54 pm
Posts: 2819
Current ride: 1999 X1
Location: Texas, Gerrards Cross
Jake decided to send his good friend, Thomas, a bouquet of flowers to celebrate Thomas's business expansion. He called a florist in Thomas' local area and made arrangements- flowers, personalized note, vase, and so forth.

A week later, Thomas called Jake, confused. "Jake- what the heck? The florist dropped off a bouquet of lilies with a message that says 'Rest in peace.'"

Jake realizes the florist's mistake and calls them to complain.

"We deeply apologize, sir, " the florist said. "But hey, it could be worse. Somewhere right now is a grave with colorful flowers and a message that says 'Congratulations on your new location!'"

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Bob Krzeszkiewicz
2011 Kawasaki Z1000SX - 1999 Buell X1


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:21 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 7:54 pm
Posts: 2819
Current ride: 1999 X1
Location: Texas, Gerrards Cross
Getting older, and doing the things we do as we get older, I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night.

As I passed through the kitchen, I happened to look out through the rear windows. I noticed a man with a knife, sneaking through my next door neighbor's garden.

Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave and put the body in it and covered it.

Shocked and trembling, I got back into bed. My wife said, "You're upset, what is it?"

"You'll never believe what I've just seen," I said....

"That sonofabitch next door still has my shovel!"

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Bob Krzeszkiewicz
2011 Kawasaki Z1000SX - 1999 Buell X1


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:22 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 7:54 pm
Posts: 2819
Current ride: 1999 X1
Location: Texas, Gerrards Cross
Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch.

His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter, Joe? Don't you like my singing?"

Joe replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."

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Bob Krzeszkiewicz
2011 Kawasaki Z1000SX - 1999 Buell X1


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:22 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 7:54 pm
Posts: 2819
Current ride: 1999 X1
Location: Texas, Gerrards Cross
After being married for forty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're an alphabet wife. . . A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks, "What the heck does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous and Hot".

She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely but what about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

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Bob Krzeszkiewicz
2011 Kawasaki Z1000SX - 1999 Buell X1


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:24 pm 
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Current ride: 1999 X1
Location: Texas, Gerrards Cross
"And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world...
then He made the earth round...and laughed and laughed and laughed...."

Genesis 51:1-3

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Bob Krzeszkiewicz
2011 Kawasaki Z1000SX - 1999 Buell X1


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:33 pm 
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Posts: 2819
Current ride: 1999 X1
Location: Texas, Gerrards Cross
Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, slender, almost-blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over, and knocked on my passenger window.

With her bra-less breasts almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a sexy voice, “I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer you got?"

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Bob Krzeszkiewicz
2011 Kawasaki Z1000SX - 1999 Buell X1


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:37 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 7:54 pm
Posts: 2819
Current ride: 1999 X1
Location: Texas, Gerrards Cross
The difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One of them snatches your watch!

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Bob Krzeszkiewicz
2011 Kawasaki Z1000SX - 1999 Buell X1


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:12 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2011 7:10 pm
Posts: 3123
Current ride: Buell ulysses
Location: Telford
ursus americanus wrote:
You have too much time on your hands, Barney :roll:

Steve

:yup:

It’s amazing what you can find on google or youtube in a few minutes .
https://youtu.be/Z220dtdnyFk

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Buell Ulysses XB12X 06/08
CCM R30 (650cc) 02
Norton Dominators


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2020 9:53 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 06, 2009 5:10 pm
Posts: 2033
Current ride: 99 Cyclone M2
Location: Liverpool
Well that's the police just left, apparently I can't walk around the house naked,
I'll have to do it inside instead ;)

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Last year I joined a group for anti-social people
We haven't met yet.


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