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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2020 5:02 pm 
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I'm now getting 3 weeks to the gallon!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 7:49 am 
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Current ride: Buell ulysses
Location: Telford
On a beautiful summer’s day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.

At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”

The girl leaned over and said:

“Burrr… gurrr… King.”

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 7:53 am 
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the makers of pedigree chum dog food have gone bust!!!

the've had to call in the retrievers.

mark's and spencers are going to merge with poundstretcher stores and call the new stores "stretchmarks"

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 8:21 am 
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Location: Wales. The land of dragons, welshcakes and full reservoirs.
barney wrote:
On a beautiful summer’s day, two English tourists were driving through Wales

Err... no feck off :evil:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:17 am 
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Dusty wrote:
barney wrote:
On a beautiful summer’s day, two English tourists were driving through Wales

Err... no feck off :evil:

We'll it's hardly going to be "On a summers day, two English tourists were driving through beautiful Wales" ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 12:51 pm 
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Location: Wales. The land of dragons, welshcakes and full reservoirs.
Finmows wrote:
Dusty wrote:
barney wrote:
On a beautiful summer’s day, two English tourists were driving through Wales

Err... no feck off :evil:

We'll it's hardly going to be "On a summers day, two English tourists were driving through beautiful Wales" ;)

I refer to my previous response ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sat Apr 11, 2020 7:01 am 
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flasher in the local park exposed himself to three old ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!

two had a stroke---------------but the third couldn't reach

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sat Apr 11, 2020 7:02 am 
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Another Japanese Bank has gone into administration. The Origami Bank has folded

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sat Apr 11, 2020 7:04 am 
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Why wasn't Jesus born on Merseyside?

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.




other place names are available

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 3:49 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 7:54 pm
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Current ride: 1999 X1
Location: Texas, Gerrards Cross
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

* I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

* Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

* PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

* I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

* This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

* So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

* Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

* My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

* Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

* I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

* I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

* Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

* Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 4:25 pm 
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I dread telling the missus I may have Coronavirus, she'll just kick off....we'll she did at the HIV episode!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2020 7:31 pm 
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Location: Wales. The land of dragons, welshcakes and full reservoirs.
x1glider wrote:
* The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

* PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

* I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

* This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.


:yup: lOl

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Sun Apr 19, 2020 3:30 pm 
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The only reason Michael Ball chose 99 year old Capt Tom to join him on the recording of "you'll never walk alone" is.....he's the only cünt old enough to remember the last time they won the league!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Mon Apr 20, 2020 11:24 pm 
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"Lucy in the sky with diamonds"...


John Lennon was shit at cluedo

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes Page
PostPosted: Tue Apr 21, 2020 5:17 pm 
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If a fart can get through underwear and a pair of jeans, how can a mask made of cloth save you from covid?

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