Please put jokes in this thread ....
when it gets full we will delete & start again...

Why did the chicken cross the road?


Those that keep up with the news will get that one

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I hate being strapped for cash....but it pays the bills

Paddy phones the hotel's reception desk and says, "Room 168, could ye please send someone over roit away, I'm having argument wid der woife and she's said she's gonna jump out der window." The concierge replies, "I'm sorry sir, but we cannot intervene, this seems to be a personal issue." "Now ye listen to me ye little bollox," yells Paddy, ". . . der fecking window is jammed shut, it's a maintenance issue!"

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I hate being strapped for cash....but it pays the bills

To get to the gym before they're closed?

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I'm a Hornithologist, I get excited by exotic birds.........

Apparently, there can only be a maximum of 6 people at the Christmas table, but you can have 30 for a funeral.

In which case, I will be holding a cremation service for my pet turkey, which will sadly pass away on the 16th December.

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I'm a Hornithologist, I get excited by exotic birds.........

My wife suggested spicing up our sex life by a bit of roll play. “I’ll be a prostitute” she says “Great idea” I said, “ I’ll be Peter Sutcliffe”


Oops...maybe a bit too soon?

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I hate being strapped for cash....but it pays the bills

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put €20 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the €20 note on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

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The sound of a V-twin engine braking is music to my ears!!

They say chameleon’s blend in well, but this smoothie tastes fuckin’ terrible.

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I hate being strapped for cash....but it pays the bills

.....dem last two jokes made me feel so much better!

A blonde walks into a cocktail bar and asks for a "Double-Entendre" so the barman gave her one.

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I'm a Hornithologist, I get excited by exotic birds.........

I am getting rid of all my Des O'Connor records £150, will deliver anywhere UK
Payment by bank transfer later in the day

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I hate being strapped for cash....but it pays the bills

There was a young man from Dublin
Who was extremely bad at limericks

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I hate being strapped for cash....but it pays the bills

I went to the dentists yesterday and he asked me about my oral hygiene...I told him "I wash it every morning"!

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I hate being strapped for cash....but it pays the bills

"I've shaved my pubes if you fancy a bit?" My wife said seductively
"Yeah, give us a bag full, I'll insulate the loft."

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I hate being strapped for cash....but it pays the bills

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Dusty 001